Josh and Arvil set out to make Indians the greatest frisbee players the world has ever seen

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Mostly clad in 50 rupee sandals and the latest in designer jeans from Giorgio Armani, we had our first group of frisbee proteges. Today was the first day of the beginning of the greatest dynasty the sport of ultimate will ever see. Ranging in age from 10-18, these kids run like Ochocinco, throw like Brady, and have the intestinal fortitude of a man raised on the water of the Ganges.

Josh and I have been working with a local NGO called Manzil. Here is the link. They are essentially an after school program for poorer children, the sons and daughters of the cooks, maids, and drivers of New Delhi. They teach a variety of subjects, including English, Math, Dance, and Computers.

We’ve gone to attend some of their higher level English classes that aim to help kids with their spoken English. We have been mainly sitting in and listening, but hopefully in the future we can act as facilitators, as their role is to bring the kids a topic that can provoke a good discussion.

While I have been going to these classes, I have been recruiting kids for frisbee. Today was the culmination of those efforts. We met at Manzil in Khan Market, and then walked over to Lodhi Gardens, which is one of the nicest parks in Delhi.

After we found a good spot, I unleashed the frisbees from my bag, and they went wild. Frisbees were flying everywhere, I got hit in the head more than once, and they were loving it. I explained a few basic rules, set up a make shift field with bags and frisbees, and they started playing. While it wasn’t exactly pretty, they were having fun and learning very quickly. Some of the older kids were actually pretty athletic.

The kids were also very smart. After only 30 minutes of playing, they started learning basic strategy, like short passes are better, and the importance of working together as a team in order to score. We played a game to 10, and after a grueling double-game-point win by my team, I thought we were almost done, as it was getting dark. “Let’s play another game to 15!” They couldn’t get enough.

I eventually brought in some difficult concepts like giving high-5’s after your team scores, and lining up after the game and giving the other team slaps. Next week I will introduce the flick, and talk about spirit of the game (my specialty).

We played until well past dark, and all agreed to meet next Sunday for session #2 as we come closer and closer to frisbee supremacy.

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Gambling in India

Last night was a mess; I vaguely remember eating five samosas, half dozen chicken wings and easily a pound of potatoes and paneer all before dinner. It was a cool Sunday evening, Uncle and Massi invited over a couple of their friends for a pleasant session of rooftop knoshing and gambling.

Although we were sitting at a table with a man worth well over 500 crores (he owns mattress factories all over India) each player shelled out only a couple thousand rupees. Before our Vegas-style dinner fiasco Arvil and I small talked with our guests on an eclectic range of topics. After revealing to our guests that we were from Framingham, the millionaire instantly expressed his affection for the Natick Collection and its surrounding stores, specifically Bed Bath and Beyond. Now every kid knows that it’s funny to pretend that you enjoy shopping at BB&B but when you come across someone who isn’t a complete uterus and still wets themselves over BB&B’s selection of shower curtains and bath towels, it’s quiet hysterical.

Afterwards, this one man began to tell an epic tale of how he almost guessed four out of four vodka flavorings at a Greygoose distillery tour, but failed to win the prize. His wife chimed in adding how difficult it was. Little did this man know that another guest of Anil Uncle was once reigning champion at a vodka taste testing, guessing correctly 16 vodkas. His wife threw in her two cents recounting the magic.

Right before the three card poker started, I remembered that all my money was tied up in the financing of eight luxury hotels, penny stocks, child support payments and my second wife’s new boob job. Fortunately Raju mama was sensitive to my situation and spotted Arvil and I a couple thousand rupees.

The style of three card poker which they played involves the dealer making up a new rule each hand. Regardless of being confused about each respective game Arvil and I decided to bet erratically. Four hours later, without any breaks, we were down a lot and had to borrow from Raju again. It was around 1 in the morning, I was ready to tap out and Didi Massi halted our pathetic attempt at winning money for more food. I blindly ate a plate full of random Indian food, threw down some ice cream and hit the pillow.

Police brutality in India

Auto rickshaw drivers barely make enough to afford a can of beans, which means that if you’re a professional manual rickshaw driver then you probably can only afford a lentil. Also it would be safe to assume that one slip/accident/robbery could set you back months.

On our way to Red Fort (a monster of a palace built in 1638 by the Mughal Empire), Arvil and I witnessed hardcore police brutality. This was straight WWE status; imagine Andre the Giant versus four of the scrappiest rickshaw drivers in Delhi, all weighing in under a buck.

Red Fort

Red Fort

Apparently rickshaw drivers are not supposed to set up shop right outside the entrance of Red Fort, where the majority of tourist traffic flow occurs. But seeing as this is India and traffic/parking rules are ignored nationwide these drivers parked there anyways.

The governments solution to handling these unruly drivers and their illegal parking habits … they hired this man.

Boss-Man

Boss-Man

If an American officer of the law were to act at even a fraction of this man’s madness then a minimum of five years D-Block would ensue. But here in India, from the looks of it, law enforcement enjoys kicking ass without taken names. The only citation this poor shmuck received was a broken axel and a couple swift elbow drops to the face. Seriously, this Boss-Man smashed four rickshaws while elbowing the drivers who tried to stop him.

The gun & stick are purely for show

The gun & stick are purely for show

Introducing…

Yep, that’s right you yuppies, what’s that masterpiece chilln’ on my upper lip … looks like something Michelangelo sculpted huh. That ain’t no Photoshop, that ‘stache is legit.

Moustache ride, 10 cent.

Moustache ride, 10 cent.

Mustachioed Josh

My moustache loves reading.

I don’t know what it is about owning your own ‘stach, but let me tell you, it feels great. Just look at that thing, makes you want to hit somebody.

What is he pointing at? Irrelevant, just look at that 'stache.

What is he pointing at? Irrelevant, just look at that 'stache.

Makes you think “There is a g-d”. Magnificent. Well done boys.

Is that not close enough for you?

Pure authority

BOOM!

There you have it, they have arrived. Arvil and Josh have acquired the two most glorious mustaches on earth. These shpuppies practically pay for themselves. After 1,000 elephants and 2,500 camels hauled in the essential ‘stache supplies and Rithlals entire extended family labored non-stop for three months, (with only two 15 minute breaks per day/no overtime/working for 7 rupees per hour/22 hour days) the ‘staches were eventually styled to perfection.

So, what would happen if we were to somehow multiply our ‘staches?

These four are ready to take over the world, one ‘stache a time. A full length feature film is in the pre-production phases with Warner Bros. starring Sanjay as the girthy boss-man of the group. Josh will play the loose cannon of the group, whose French mustache is a raging alcoholic with a gambling addiction. Rithlal as the wise, right hand man, whose mustache has seen many battles. And Arvil as the protégé whose potential is unlimited, his ability to grow unparalleled.

MEGA – A revolution erupts at theseguysblog.wordpress.com – MEGA

The guys at theseguysblog.wordpress.com have been feeling damn good as of lately. They must be doing something different …

Arvil, is that new shirt?

Josh, have you been taking Cialis?

Within hours readers all over America will be rewarded as two new assets have been added to the Darjeeling Unlimited brain trust.

Phones have been ringing non-stop since the announcement as Americas upper lip quivers with anticipation.

Competition in India

Let’s say you’re about to open up a Subway in America. You would most likely pick a spot that is a good distance away from Quizno’s, Panera, and every other deli. Not in India. If someone opened up a Subway, they would change their name to Quizno’s, and open it up directly next to the only Quizno’s in town. They would then hire 3-4 idiots to yell at you in half-broken english as the sole means of differentiating themselves.

Here are some of their marketing techniques:

“Yess sir, ed hardy shirts, I give you great price, only for you!”

“Please come here, CD’s DVD’s music, what you like sir?”

“Nice belt, nice belt, touch it”

In Palika Bazaar, there are about 80 electronic stores that sell a variety of hair straighteners, ipods, dvd’s, and of course, porno’s. We would go into a store, try to find some dvd’s, and one of the sales people would inevitable whisper in my ear and ask me if I want porno. The movie Bruno happened to be on top of the counter, so I asked him if he had any of the Bruno kind of porn, but that type of low brow humor was obviously beyond him.

Everything in India is a bargaining process, no prices are fixed, at least in this place. When you ask how much something is, you should expect that they are giving you a price 4-5 times more than what they will take at the minimum. For a DVD, they say 250 rupees to start, but once you haggle a bit, you can get it down to 50 rupees.

The modern day Einsteins at Palika bazaar trying to swindle off shitty flash drives have invented a modern bargaining technique. It involves a calculator, a buyer, a seller, and michael cera. Instead of saying prices, which is way too difficult and for low minded people, you punch in the prices in the calculator, and then show it to the other guy.

We were bargaining for a 250 gb flash drive, which I had already bought from another store, mainly to practice our bargaining skills. He punches in 2000. I punch in 400. He punches in 1800. 400. 1700. 400. And you get the picture. Really an exciting experience all around.

Indians have developed a new closing method, which I call the bag-it. While I was firm on 400, when he finally got all the way down to 500, they act like they are doing some big favor for you, going down that low, almost to your level, when in reality they are still probably way over their minimum. He goes, okay 500, done, puts in the bag, and acts like the deal is done. Not so fast chap. Not only would I not pay 500, but I already bought a flash drive. You were merely a ploy to get blog hits.

Once you are outside, you are bombarded with people selling all types of bullshit. Back scratchers. Sunglasses. Hankerchiefs. All the essentials of life.

One guy came up to us:

“Would you like bangles, very nice bangles, gold plated, I give you good price”

“No thanks”

“You want hashish?”

Theseguysblog feature: Bananas

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At the young age of 4 years old, Jeet Sodhi knew what he wanted to do for the rest of his life. Bananas. He loved bananas. He loved them whether they were green and not quite ripe, whether they had those little black dots everywhere, and even when they were mushy and disgusting. He would grow this love for bananas into a multi billion dollar business.

When he was young, his father wanted him to become a doctor. But Jeet knew deep down in his heart, he could do nothing but bananas. He knew it was his destiny to sell.

Even though he is now a billionaire, you can still see him working the cart in Amritsar.

Jeet once ate 338 bananas in a single day. The next day he was blessed with projectile diarrhea.

Jeet once sold 11,000 bananas in a single hour. He proceeded to use the money to purchase an umbrella for his banana cart, which you can see above.

Jeet has twice been married both to pudgy oriental women who very much resemble mushy bananas.

Five years ago Jeet had a vasectomy in hopes that he could American Pie his merchandise with without leaving any evidence … clearly Jeet doesn’t understand what vasectomies actually do.

Jeet is not related to monkeys but gets along with them well.