Tag Archives: india travel blog

The Seven Wonders of the World

Ah, the Seven Wonders of the World …

  1. Year One – starring the One
  2. Scarlett Johansson’s inner thighs
  3. The horseshoes stuck in my triceps
  4. The F.U.P.A
  5. Da B’s
  6. A Ford F-150
  7. The Taj Mahal

I saw two of these today – pictured below

What's he smugglin' in that thing?

What's he smugglin' in that thing?

Taj Mahal

Taj Mahal

By the end of my 18 hour journey to the Taj Mahal, I had grown very fond of my newfound friends I met while traveling. They included an Egyptian ophthalmologist, a German strategic marketer, a south Indian actress and two Londoners. All of whom were quirky, full of random knowledge and became my greatest of friends.

The Taj Mahal is truly a beautiful piece of work, it’s presence rivals that of the above mentioned FUPA. Kinda like the way one can become possessed by a FUPA (similar to Frodo’s ring … LOTR) the Taj Mahal grabs your testicles and doesn’t let go. While dozens of people push miniature Taj models and postcards in your face and while others attempt to pickpocket you, one can’t help but to ignore their pathetic pitches and stare blindly at this massive burial site.

Surrounding the base of the Taj, carved out of white marble, are decorative flowers which individually each took roughly 18 hours to complete. There are thousands of these flowers all throughout the Taj … do the math.

Some poor asshole spent more than two weeks carving this

Some poor asshole spent more than two weeks carving this

Costing around 22 crores over 350 years ago, like a trillion dollars now, the Taj Mahal is perfectly symmetrical. It is decorated from top to bottom with floral designs/patterns which display a wide variety of color, but instead of these colors originating from paint they are semi-precious and precious stones. This fact was recited over 15 times from the most incomprehensible, worst conversational English speaking tour guide alive. This was one of the only facts I gathered from him, the rest was mumbled Hinglish. Regardless of the useless tour guide the Taj Mahal is something everyone should see or at least pretend that they have seen. The amount of time, money and engineering put into this building in unfathomable, today over 6,000 people visit the Taj daily and I was one of them.

Slave monkey that danced

Slave monkey that danced

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Indian McDonalds

McDonalds, where plus sized people feed their addiction along with their FUPA’s and where Arvil and I decided to eat lunch. I figure you can’t beat an extra value meal for 119 rupees (less than $3).

The McDonalds in India as one would assume is drastically different from the MiccyD’s in the states. Here McDonalds is vegetarian friendly as they have a whole section devoted to vege burgers and paneer salsa wraps. Instead of the Big Mac they have the Chicken Maharaja and instead of the couple’s therapy … well nothing can replace couples therapy. Also I was very disappointed to find out that McGriddles were nowhere to be found (Their irresistibleness is the cause for the current financial crisis, so much money and time was pumped into purchasing and eating these tasty treats by the CEO’s and CFO’s of AIG, GE and others that could not stay on top of their daily tasks).

Heaven

Heaven

After staring at this picture of a double Decker chicken sandwich dripping with spicy curry sauce, the Chicken Maharaja, my mind was made up. I approached the cashier and ordered a number char (4 … I learned Hindi numbers 1-5 today).

I usually stay away from fast food restaurants back home, it’s a must in order to maintain a low percent body fat and pulsating lats.

Immediately my Maharaja was ready and within seconds I began eating melted plastic. Those frigin geniuses over there forgot to take off the plastic from the cheese and as a result I got my daily value of polymers. I was compensated with a fresh Maharaja, fries and a case of the McShits.

The Great Debate