Tag Archives: major league baseball

Indian McDonalds

McDonalds, where plus sized people feed their addiction along with their FUPA’s and where Arvil and I decided to eat lunch. I figure you can’t beat an extra value meal for 119 rupees (less than $3).

The McDonalds in India as one would assume is drastically different from the MiccyD’s in the states. Here McDonalds is vegetarian friendly as they have a whole section devoted to vege burgers and paneer salsa wraps. Instead of the Big Mac they have the Chicken Maharaja and instead of the couple’s therapy … well nothing can replace couples therapy. Also I was very disappointed to find out that McGriddles were nowhere to be found (Their irresistibleness is the cause for the current financial crisis, so much money and time was pumped into purchasing and eating these tasty treats by the CEO’s and CFO’s of AIG, GE and others that could not stay on top of their daily tasks).



After staring at this picture of a double Decker chicken sandwich dripping with spicy curry sauce, the Chicken Maharaja, my mind was made up. I approached the cashier and ordered a number char (4 … I learned Hindi numbers 1-5 today).

I usually stay away from fast food restaurants back home, it’s a must in order to maintain a low percent body fat and pulsating lats.

Immediately my Maharaja was ready and within seconds I began eating melted plastic. Those frigin geniuses over there forgot to take off the plastic from the cheese and as a result I got my daily value of polymers. I was compensated with a fresh Maharaja, fries and a case of the McShits.

The Great Debate

Arvil and I head to the salon: manicures & pedicures ensue

Today was rough.  While reading this morning’s Delhi Times Rithlal prepared us omelets, toast and an apple. While picking apart my toast I realized that my fingernails had grown longer than most women’s and the itch in my beard was a clean sign that its mass was capable of handling sub-zero temperatures, so we headed to the local salon.

Arvil and I ordered up a shave followed by a face massage. After looking at a clean shaven Josh in the mirror I felt like a new man, the face message left me feeling like a million crore, but inside my wallet I felt like I could afford more luxurious treatment. A manicure & pedicure are two things I have always been curious about, after being convinced by my barber that it would help with my speed on the frisbee field then it was a clear to me that sacrifices must be made if I want to be the best.

Sitting side by side, Arvil and I ordered a cup of sweet chai as we waited for our royal treatment. From upstairs a 13 year old Indian boy brought down equipment and began to set up shop. Arvil and I joked about how it would be funny if this little kid were actually the professional administrating the mani/pedi.  And it turns out he was, Arvil was rubbed down hard by this 13 year old while I sat there and laughed. My attendant had yet to come down and I was hoping for it to be a girl, but instead a 17 year old wearing imitation designer clothing comes down stairs and started massaging my feet.

After an hour and half of our hands and feet being rubbed down by a couple of teenagers, we scrapped the head massage. We handed the cashier 320 rupees and tipped our barbers. I wouldn’t have traded this experience for anything in the world, after spending a couple hours in that salon I realized that I am not cut out for that kind of luxury.

Newsflash: Rithlal arrives late to work

Rithlal and major league baseball players have two things in common:

  1. They both make millions
  2. They are only are allowed two days off per month

Sunday was Rithlals day to live life, and naturally Rithlal did just that. Didi maassi informed me that Rithlal went out partying.

This morning Rithlal was expected to be back at work with a smile on face, apron around waist and dozens of new cellphone numbers from all the hot desi’s he met last night.

Didi massi called to inquire his whereabouts. Rithlal answered with a hoarse voice and was hardly coherent. Unfortunately when Rithlal fist pumps/twists light bulbs all night his biological clocks ignores all responsibilities come morning.

With Rithlal absent from the kitchen, breakfast was left up to Didi massi, Arvil and I. After a couple bites of my toast & eggs I was in need of some mango juice. I caught myself hollering out “RITHLAL!” but stopped mid-holler realizing that I would have to retrieve the juice myself. I head to the fridges, there are two of them, and begin rummaging through the first … the mango juice is nowhere to be seen. I move to the next fridge and finally after a painful 20 seconds, I spot the mango. By the time I pour myself a glass I am fatigued.

Today’s breakfast was a learning experience, preparing three meals a day for a household of five ain’t no swim in the gangies.