Tag Archives: the new york times

Jay Sean, Rishi Rich & Juggy D

Here in India music is inescapable, Hindi chants projected over loud speakers wake you up in the morning, drivers bump tracks laced in a sitar during the day and whistle blowing night guards hold a steady beat throughout the night.

Although there are masses of Indian music stars, one man stands out ahead of the rest.

R&B singer Jay Sean, real name Kamaljit Singh Jhooti, made it mega in the states with his hit song “Down” ft. Lil Wayne, but this Punjabi native is like the “Michael Jackson” here in India. Jay Sean sells out the largest of stadiums, has every other teenager wearing Jay Sean t-shirts, fans ink tatoos of his face on their face and his music monopolizes almost every radio station (with a Jay Sean to other music ratio of 2:1).

Jay Sean

Jay Sean

His hit song “Dance With You” has been topping the charts since September 2003 beating out his previous single “I Got My Eyes On You” which was a #1 for four years.

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Sanjay Uncensored – The life of a Delhi driver

For those of you who are new to this blog (500 new readers as of yesterday) I would like to re-introduce to you our driver, Sanjay – at the end of this post is a recap of a day in the life of Sanjay if you are interested.

The heart of Delhi (his counterpart Rithlal is the soul), standing at 5’5, 125 lbs, Sanjay is the proud owner of a well respected ‘stache and a hands free cellphone not to mention he handles the road like Dale Earnhart … Jr.

Before he took Arvil and I around to the Delhi tourist spots today we indulged in a bit of a photo shoot. Usually pictures of this high quality are sought after by such publications as Vanity Fair, The NewYork Times and the Jewish Advocate but of course once again theseguysblog.wordpress.com did not sell out and we were able to provide you with Sanjay photos first.

Additionally, free of charge, I will be providing you with live footage of the Sanjay himself operating a luxury Toyota Corolla.

Sanjay equipped with vehicle

Sanjay equipped with vehicle ... Oh Sanjay, don't worry that grin is not creepy at all!

Sanjay's signature "Blue Steel"

Sanjay's signature "Blue Steel"

Very nice haircut Sanjay!

Wearing the hands free ear piece

2008 Americas Next Top Model runner-up

2008 Americas Next Top Model runner-up

The first ever footage of Sanjay hard at work…enjoy.

Sanjay Schedule

8 am – wake up

8:30 am – Style the ‘stache

9 am – Take uncle to work

9:15 am to 8 pm – absolute jack shit. Sit outside uncle’s office while he is at work. Talk with other drivers. Talk with little kids. Talk with anyone who will entertain him. Take a nap.

8:30 – drop uncle off at home.

Newsfeed:

With every view of this blog post a 100 rupees will be donated to an Indian charity organization that serves as mustache missionaries – spreading mustache awareness.

Meet the Bruces – Ultimate Frisbee Session

Ultimate (OLLL-TEA-MIT) Frisbee … the most hardcore action sport played in the world.

Arvil, being the Ultimate enthusiast that he is, had contacted the New Delhi Frisbee Group (NDFG) well before we had arrived. For those of you who are unaware theseguysblog.wordpress.com’s Arvil, (#7, 5’10 ft., 150 lbs, position – handler: stats), was Captain of Emory University’s Ultimate Frisbee team. Although his collegiate career is now defunct his passion for the game continues to grow.

Arvil takes the field

Arvil takes the field

It turns out that our driver Sanjay’s mustache was on vacation so we had Shoorvir (Raju mama’s servant) take us to Nehru Park.

Shortly after entering the park I spotted the most densely populated area of white people. I was immediately convinced that this is the New Delhi Frisbee group, what other sport would force a congregation of this many Caucasians?

We introduce ourselves to these dirty hippies and lace up our shoes. Frisbee is new to me and apparently the learning curve is immeasurable, on average it takes the a respectable athlete a few years to master the flick, hammer or backhand. Naturally the typical “Where are you from?” “What do you do?” conversation ensues. Little did I know that I had just entered a circle of the most remarkable human beings alive.

Meet Bruce

Government name: Troy

He is married, has two kids and is the heart and soul of the New Delhi Frisbee Group. His goatee’s exceptional organizational skills are responsible for this rendezvous and has enrolled the NDFG in a Frisbee Chennai tournament, scheduled for next week.

Bruce

Bruce

Arvil and Bruce were well acquainted by the Frisbee sessions end as Bruce was not shy when calling fouls. Granted maybe Arvil was out of bounds, maybe Arvil did roughhouse the one girl who was playing with us and maybe Arvil did get stripped on the disputed touchdown but regardless this was a leisurely game of pickup Frisbee and the ambiguous calls were not merited.

After the game Bruce approaches Arvil. Just pictuire it … Ba-Ruce and Nagpal , toe to toe.

“Hey man, after thinking about it for a bit, that probably wasn’t a foul, sorry bud, no hard feelings?”

I was floored, speechless and I think I shitted myself.

A real stand up guy, Bruce knows when he has done wrong, a genuine apology for sure mended any animosity Arvil felt towards him and a lifelong friendship is guaranteed to result.

Meet Bruce #2

Government name: Danny

This specimen was obviously chiseled out of diamonds, and then laced in sex appeal. Ethnically a Viking from Scandinavia but I am speculating that his calves were probably imported from some high tech government lab. Look at those things.

Bruce #2

Bruce #2

Close up of Bruces' calves

Close up of Bruces' calves

I’ve never seen a man this size go so hard at anything, he lays out, slings at nearly 90 mph. and his long hair grows at the rate 3 ipd (inches per day).

Bruce #2 told me he worked in the Private Sector, whatever the fuck that means, but we all know that what Bruce #2 does for a living is tow oxen. When he is not lugging around ox he plows … If Bruce #2 ever had enough money to buy a car he would purchase a Ford F 350, but Bruce # 2 chooses to spend is equity on gym memberships.


Dinner at Raju mamas house

Last night we went to Raju mama and Anu mamis house. When we arrived Arvil and I were immediately showered with beer and whiskey. Four of Raju mamas servants were slaving hard in the kitchen, no pun intended, preparing endless rounds of appetizers. By the time dinner was served I had eaten five or six different appetizers and had a couple beers. However Raju mama insisted that I finish two more beers before I began my dinner. I had woken up at 6 that morning, adventured all day, played Frisbee for two hours and as a result I could barely keep my eyes open.

At the pace I was drinking the Carlsbergs would never go all the way down. Raju mama had a solution; he walks me over to his fully stocked bar and pours vodka in my beer bottle. Nothing wakes you up like vodka and a pilsner. Shortly afterwards while struggling with my last beer Raju mama adds some coke to my beer. I am unsure of where Raju mama went to bartending school, but his style is unique and I am grateful for his hospitality.

Holiday

My Didi massi is great. That’s not her actual name, but just what I call her. Didi is her nickname, which means sister, and massi is the word used for your aunt on your mother’s side. She manages an entire household, plays cards for 4 hours a day, and is one of the best fake money poker players in the world. Pokerstars has ranked her #3 globally, as she has amassed over 7 million play chips.

In addition she manages to take care of us pretty well.

Today was a holiday, but it really wasn’t a holiday. She explained it to me but it’s way too complicated for this b-log. She hasn’t allowed me to eat chicken, eggs, or any meat for that matter since we got here, which has lead to me losing 15 lbs, having massive diarrhea, as well as heart palpitations and gonorrhea. The doctor tried to tell me that the gonorrhea was not from the lack of chicken, but he knows jack shit.

So I’m a little hazy on the details, but it involved gods, Michael Cera, and an event in history where good defeats evil. On this holiday, you are supposed to feed young children as well as give them a little money. Most of these children are the children of the servants and drivers in the area, so they are not slum kids or anything. So she cooked breakfast, got some coins, and we went to the local temple.

Didi massi

Didi massi

She is a modern day Mother Theresa.

Here is Josh with his indian head stamp of authentication.

DSC_0050Cubbies.

Qutab Minar

Today Arvil and I hit the streets of Delhi, hard. We started this adventure off hailing an auto rickshaw, the origin of this vehicles name is unknown but many believe it was named in honor of novelist Ric Wasley. Arvils Hindi flow becomes more and more refined each day and he managed to secure a 50 rupee ride to Qutab Minar.

Rickshaw driver

Rickshaw driver

Qutab MInar, the world’s tallest brick minaret, is a popular destination for foreigners and for locals it’s the hot spot to ogle at white people.

Doostang

Doostang

I have never been a delicacy before, most people in the US look almost as beautifully fair skinned as me. I am not sure whether they are blown away by my lack of flaws or confused by my perfection, either way my looks are worth their time. Many people offered rupees to take pictures with me but being the modest guy that I am, I gladly let snap photos free of charge.

Afterwards we wondered down a hill where hundreds of people crowded, we past a couple men fixing rickshaws, slum children on their grind, and giant trash piles. We ended up at a local flower market lined with 50 identical stores all selling the same exact flower.

These merchants are g-ds by American standards; if you’re capable of making ends meat pushing identical product as 50 other guys within a hundred yards, then one could only imagine the cash flow these dudes would be raking if they worked one day outside Fenway pumpin tickets.

Everyone in the market gave me the “smile and nod” combo followed by the popular “Here Sir” greeting in hopes that I throw them some rupees for flowers. I have no need for flowers since one gaze into my two hazels woes even the prettiest  of Geishas.

Flower market

Flower market

“I am Rithlal, hear me roar!”

Dear viewers,

It looks like Christmas came early. Rithlal is ready for the public, but is the public ready for Rithlal?

The first time I laid eyes on this man I was blinded by his ‘stache, but behind that beautiful patch of hair is an obedient telekinetic house servant. The man cleans dishes with 110% intensity, he cooks better than that rat from ratatouille and his thighs are complete trunks. Rithlal has been known to run 3 minute miles and routinely golf’s at a -8 handicap.

His looks could kill … and in fact they have. Three women were hospitalized last month due to dehydration and starvation, they couldn’t take their eyes off this beautiful medusa and they ultimately paid the price.

Rithlal stands at a modest 5’5, 52.2 kg (roughly a buck 15), if one didn’t know any better they might mistake him for a malnourished house servant, but Rithlal has .01% body fat and his enormous quads make him immovable. Rithlal is not a violent man by any means but he has been known to protect those that he cares for, recently killing a baker’s dozen LA Bloods.

As far as I know Rithlal is single, making him the most eligible bachelor in all of India and the world, recently edging out Michael Cera for Peoples sexiest man alive – 2009. Rithlal has the highest concentrated seed and only gives birth to males.

Stare at your own risk.

Don’t spend it all in one place.

Enjoy.

Rithlal on the job

Rithlal on the job

Diligent son of a gun

Diligent son of a gun