Tag Archives: travel

Frisbee Session #2

About 10 or 11 kids showed up this past Sunday, with all of them failing to bring water. Josh and I brought a little bit, but it didn’t last long as the kids were running hard.

I’ve been a bit hesitant in terms of how much teaching I should do. I don’t want them to feel as if they are coming just to hear me talk, so for the most part we just play.

We discussed what a travel was (when you move while holding the frisbee) and some of the kids are starting to call it. They call more travels than they stall count (is you are unsure of what stall counts are then you must be a complete loser). Some kids try harder than others. One kid doesn’t believe in defense, and usually just cherry picks the endzone so he can catch the score. He also loves calling travels. He weighs roughly 60 pounds is around 16 years old. I am unsure of whether this kid will ever hit puberty.

3-4 kids showed up that had never played before, so at the beginning of our “frisbee class” as they like to call it, we did names and they all said their favorite hobby. One kid is apparently a poker player millionaire, a lot of kids said they liked cricket, and then we got to Sahil, by far the best of the bunch.

“Hello my name is Sahil, I used to like cricket, but now I like frisbee.”

Either its the game, or I’m a god damn genius. One cricketer at a time, I will eventually convert them all.

Theseguysblog CHALLENGE

Theseguysblog ChallengeHit up Connaught place with a 100 rupee note in hand and come home with the following four DVD’s:

  • Surrogates – B-Weasy acts the shit out of this movie, one of his finest films. The premise revolves around the idea that Bruce buys a bunch of robotic replicas of Bruce … meaning quadruple the Bruces.

  • Land of the Lost – Most people hate Will Ferrell based on the fact that they think too many people like Will Ferrell. Those people are idiots; his shitty movies are guaranteed for 12 giggles at a minimum.
    • Life is all about giggles, if I don’t get my fix of at least 50 giggles a day I become a dangerous man.
  • Year One – This movie is sure to further feed my sick sick addition with Michael Cera.
  • The Hurt Locker – Arguably the only legitimate movie I was in the market for.

After filtering through hundreds of pirated American DVD’s I could only find two out of the four. My half ass attempts at lowballing these dirtbags, at a fraction of the market price, were failures forcing me to move on. Before I knew it, close to two hours had gone by and my goal was far from achieved.

My patience was running thin but after thinking of how I would feel post-Michael Cera film, I gathered the motivation to dig down deep into my energy reserves. The pickings were slim seeing as we had visited nearly all of stores, but out of nowhere this one fellow caught my attention. We made eye contact and he spewed out broken English offering me games, DVD’s and CD’s.

The merchant motioned for me to follow him to his co-workers store (all these dudes work in cahoots each managing a couple different shops). I followed the merchant to his other store but as soon as the other owner saw my face I could tell something had gone wrong. I was told to leave.

My luck had run out, with my recently shaved head and unchanged white skin, I was easily remembered as the skinheaded, sleaze-bagging low baller. I somehow managed to get blacklisted from the underground pirated movie hub. I mean that’s talent people, to out slime the skeezies shows some serious tenacity and balls, half you jokers out there couldn’t do what I did.

Through association Arvil was blacklisted but that also might have been attributed to the fact that he low bagged this one dude so badly that even me, the king of the low ballin’ scumbags was surprised by his offer.

Twelve DVD’s for 300 rupees, Arvil pulled an offensive, spinless yet ballsy move and I have to respect him for it.

Although no DVD’s were purchased Arvil did buy:

Rolex – 100 rps – originally: 250 rps.

Shantanaram (novel) – 200 rps – originally:  700 rps.

A strawberry milkshake with whipcream toppings – 80 rps.

Right before he chuggled the shake, Arvil said in a high pitched voice while limping his wrists:

“I am such a bad boy, I shouldn’t”

The Seven Wonders of the World

Ah, the Seven Wonders of the World …

  1. Year One – starring the One
  2. Scarlett Johansson’s inner thighs
  3. The horseshoes stuck in my triceps
  4. The F.U.P.A
  5. Da B’s
  6. A Ford F-150
  7. The Taj Mahal

I saw two of these today – pictured below

What's he smugglin' in that thing?

What's he smugglin' in that thing?

Taj Mahal

Taj Mahal

By the end of my 18 hour journey to the Taj Mahal, I had grown very fond of my newfound friends I met while traveling. They included an Egyptian ophthalmologist, a German strategic marketer, a south Indian actress and two Londoners. All of whom were quirky, full of random knowledge and became my greatest of friends.

The Taj Mahal is truly a beautiful piece of work, it’s presence rivals that of the above mentioned FUPA. Kinda like the way one can become possessed by a FUPA (similar to Frodo’s ring … LOTR) the Taj Mahal grabs your testicles and doesn’t let go. While dozens of people push miniature Taj models and postcards in your face and while others attempt to pickpocket you, one can’t help but to ignore their pathetic pitches and stare blindly at this massive burial site.

Surrounding the base of the Taj, carved out of white marble, are decorative flowers which individually each took roughly 18 hours to complete. There are thousands of these flowers all throughout the Taj … do the math.

Some poor asshole spent more than two weeks carving this

Some poor asshole spent more than two weeks carving this

Costing around 22 crores over 350 years ago, like a trillion dollars now, the Taj Mahal is perfectly symmetrical. It is decorated from top to bottom with floral designs/patterns which display a wide variety of color, but instead of these colors originating from paint they are semi-precious and precious stones. This fact was recited over 15 times from the most incomprehensible, worst conversational English speaking tour guide alive. This was one of the only facts I gathered from him, the rest was mumbled Hinglish. Regardless of the useless tour guide the Taj Mahal is something everyone should see or at least pretend that they have seen. The amount of time, money and engineering put into this building in unfathomable, today over 6,000 people visit the Taj daily and I was one of them.

Slave monkey that danced

Slave monkey that danced

Indian McDonalds

McDonalds, where plus sized people feed their addiction along with their FUPA’s and where Arvil and I decided to eat lunch. I figure you can’t beat an extra value meal for 119 rupees (less than $3).

The McDonalds in India as one would assume is drastically different from the MiccyD’s in the states. Here McDonalds is vegetarian friendly as they have a whole section devoted to vege burgers and paneer salsa wraps. Instead of the Big Mac they have the Chicken Maharaja and instead of the couple’s therapy … well nothing can replace couples therapy. Also I was very disappointed to find out that McGriddles were nowhere to be found (Their irresistibleness is the cause for the current financial crisis, so much money and time was pumped into purchasing and eating these tasty treats by the CEO’s and CFO’s of AIG, GE and others that could not stay on top of their daily tasks).

Heaven

Heaven

After staring at this picture of a double Decker chicken sandwich dripping with spicy curry sauce, the Chicken Maharaja, my mind was made up. I approached the cashier and ordered a number char (4 … I learned Hindi numbers 1-5 today).

I usually stay away from fast food restaurants back home, it’s a must in order to maintain a low percent body fat and pulsating lats.

Immediately my Maharaja was ready and within seconds I began eating melted plastic. Those frigin geniuses over there forgot to take off the plastic from the cheese and as a result I got my daily value of polymers. I was compensated with a fresh Maharaja, fries and a case of the McShits.

The Great Debate

Arvil and I head to the salon: manicures & pedicures ensue

Today was rough.  While reading this morning’s Delhi Times Rithlal prepared us omelets, toast and an apple. While picking apart my toast I realized that my fingernails had grown longer than most women’s and the itch in my beard was a clean sign that its mass was capable of handling sub-zero temperatures, so we headed to the local salon.

Arvil and I ordered up a shave followed by a face massage. After looking at a clean shaven Josh in the mirror I felt like a new man, the face message left me feeling like a million crore, but inside my wallet I felt like I could afford more luxurious treatment. A manicure & pedicure are two things I have always been curious about, after being convinced by my barber that it would help with my speed on the frisbee field then it was a clear to me that sacrifices must be made if I want to be the best.

Sitting side by side, Arvil and I ordered a cup of sweet chai as we waited for our royal treatment. From upstairs a 13 year old Indian boy brought down equipment and began to set up shop. Arvil and I joked about how it would be funny if this little kid were actually the professional administrating the mani/pedi.  And it turns out he was, Arvil was rubbed down hard by this 13 year old while I sat there and laughed. My attendant had yet to come down and I was hoping for it to be a girl, but instead a 17 year old wearing imitation designer clothing comes down stairs and started massaging my feet.

After an hour and half of our hands and feet being rubbed down by a couple of teenagers, we scrapped the head massage. We handed the cashier 320 rupees and tipped our barbers. I wouldn’t have traded this experience for anything in the world, after spending a couple hours in that salon I realized that I am not cut out for that kind of luxury.

Jay Sean, Rishi Rich & Juggy D

Here in India music is inescapable, Hindi chants projected over loud speakers wake you up in the morning, drivers bump tracks laced in a sitar during the day and whistle blowing night guards hold a steady beat throughout the night.

Although there are masses of Indian music stars, one man stands out ahead of the rest.

R&B singer Jay Sean, real name Kamaljit Singh Jhooti, made it mega in the states with his hit song “Down” ft. Lil Wayne, but this Punjabi native is like the “Michael Jackson” here in India. Jay Sean sells out the largest of stadiums, has every other teenager wearing Jay Sean t-shirts, fans ink tatoos of his face on their face and his music monopolizes almost every radio station (with a Jay Sean to other music ratio of 2:1).

Jay Sean

Jay Sean

His hit song “Dance With You” has been topping the charts since September 2003 beating out his previous single “I Got My Eyes On You” which was a #1 for four years.